i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
