Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
