True but thats because hes a fetus.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
