I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
