Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
