PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
