I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
