i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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