I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We are all done wearing pants today
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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