If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
