oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she smelled like a LAN party
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
