There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
