A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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