dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We left the knife in your bed.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
