You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
