i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
