this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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