Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
