Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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