You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
