I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
