my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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