i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
