i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
