I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
