I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
