I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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