life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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