I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
