Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
