Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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