just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
