I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
