you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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