just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
