i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
