oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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