people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
