I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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