I like my sex mixed with concussions.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
