And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
