Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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