You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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