In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
