And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
