Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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