I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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