Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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