flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
