just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
