She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
