It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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