did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
