yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
