dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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