So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
