Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
