Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize