the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
