im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
