Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
