sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
