White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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