question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
