so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
