who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize