She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
