Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
