my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
