I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
did you just send me my own nude
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
