I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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