She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
