He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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