i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
